Allegation: I stopped Y inviting someone else to join us in our AirBnb

This refers to a specific conversation on 13 May 2018, but omits important context that materially changes its interpretation. It fails to mention two important details: the AirBnb we booked had only two beds (in separate rooms); and our conversation took place one day before we were due to arrive at the AirBnb.

Y proposed a specific mutual friend to join us, but neither of us had spoken to him about it. I rejected the suggestion because it was very unlikely that he, or anyone else, would have no accommodation booked two days before a conference. But more importantly, if we did find someone, they would have nowhere to sleep. The conversation was flirty, not tense, and continued in the same manner after this conversation.

”At first, he mentioned that I could invite others to join our Airbnb. Having attended only two conferences, I did not know many people at the time. When I thought of a person to invite, he stopped me and asked if I was not feeling comfortable sleeping in the same apartment as him, and if I was trying to get a chaperone for us. I felt bad that I made him feel untrusted and stopped asking others to join.” Y, My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community

Timeline

The Conversation

Y is very clear about the conversation during which she proposed inviting a third party. It is easy to unambiguously identify which conversation she refers to because of the mention of the word chaperone, which was not said on any other occasion.

Note that Y makes a typographical error in her first message—she wrote opportunity when she meant opposite—which I joke about. Note that the name Billy refers to Guillaume Martres, whom we both knew, and was the proposed guest. Dr Martres introduced himself to Y with this anglicized version of his name after she had trouble pronouncing his French name.

Timing

The timing of this conversation is significant. It happened one day before the conference, only 33 hours before I arrived.

It was unreasonable to expect that Dr Martres, or anyone else attending the conference would not have already arranged accommodation the day before the conference was scheduled to start. I dismissed Y’s suggestion of inviting him for this reason.

Y’s publication does not mention when she made the request, and a reader would likely think that she made the request at a time when it would have been actually feasible.

Practicality

More significant than the timing of the conversation was the impracticality of having a third person to stay with us when the apartment we booked had only two beds, in two separate rooms. It was simply not possible to offer accommodation to another person. I made this immediately clear.

It is evident that Y knew this. She had known about the capacity of the apartment for over two weeks, and her suggestion to invite another person made no sense. It almost felt like someone else had told her to ask the question, without knowing that it was not possible.

I decided it was best to ask her directly if she was uncomfortable sharing with me, and she denied that this was the case.

Throughout the conversation, both she and I were flirting. I suspected that her suggestion I share a bed with someone else was also her flirting. It made me wonder how I should answer. It made me wonder whether the suggestion was actually designed to make me to propose that she and I should share a bed instead. If that had been her goal, I think she would have preferred for me to make that explicit. But I didn’t want to be so candid, so I made the comment about a chaperone.

Y’s publication does not mention the impracticality of a third person staying with us. By omitting this information, the reader is allowed to assume that I dismissed her suggestion not because it was absurd, but for a more sinister reason.

Subsequent conversation

In her publication, Y writes, “I felt bad that I made him feel untrusted and stopped asking others to join.”

While I cannot know for certain if she felt bad, I did not get that impression from the conversation that continued subsequently and over the next 33 hours, until I arrived. During that time we exchanged a further 1230 direct messages.

”Together, these images seem designed to evoke closeness and tenderness, as if sharing a private, cozy moment. They likely express warmth, affection, and a gentle, possibly romantic connection toward the recipient.” ChatGPT 5

Part of that conversation has already been discussed. However, less than 45 minutes later, at 16:09, without prompting, Y sent me four more selfies. These included two photographs which I felt were more intimate than any she had sent before.

I asked ChatGPT to describe them.

Description of two photographs sent from Y to me

If Y did feel uncomfortable about sharing an AirBnb apartment with me, then her subsequent conversation and photos she sent me seem inconsistent.

My Request

If you signed the Open Letter in 2021 because you found Y’s publication compelling, please reconsider her words in light of the evidence above.

Her post was hugely damaging to me. The complete absence of due process meant that none of her claims were ever verified with me before they were published.

If, like many others, you feel like justice may not have been rightly served, you can make a meaningful step towards helping me get my life back by removing your name. I am grateful for your consideration.

❧

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